Blessed Regret
by goob21
Summary: Life can be summed into two categroies: the moments we regret and the ones we tell ourselves no one deserves to be so blessed. If we are lucky enough the scales normally tip in favor of the blessed ones, but not always. Emily/JJ
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So I get sidetracked easily from my other stories. This one shot might turn into two, I haven't decided yet, suggestions welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal minds

Blessed Regret

It's simple really. All the moments in your life can be summed into two categories: The ones you regret and the ones that make you question how you got to be so blessed.

For Emily Prentiss, those perfect moments in which she found herself blessed beyond words had far out-weighed her regretted ones.

The first time she got to spend Christmas with her family all together, a rare experience when your parents were in politics. The time she had punched Bobby McMillan in the third grade for making fun of her pig tails, he had cried like a girl. Or then there was her first kiss, after track practice with Shelly Adkins behind the bleachers, when she was accepted to Yale, when she was offered her dream job as a profiler with the BAU, and the moment she had first laid eyes on Jennifer Jareau.

Yes, when the vivacious blonde extended her hand in welcome to the speechless brunette, Emily knew right then that her heart would only continue to beat for one person.

Of course the scale was not completely one sided, regrets along the way came. Their first fight and the look of such hurt in JJ's ocean blue eyes at Emily's callous words. The sound of the door closing behind her as she walked out of JJ's townhouse, her mind fighting desperately to convince her heart it was for the best.

But those regret were now distant images filed in one of her many compartments, taken out only to remind her she had learned from her mistakes.

Shifting slightly in the armchair that had long since molded to her lithe form, Emily made sure her fingers never left contact with what they cradled gently.

Those regrets could never amount to the time she had felt as though no one deserved to be as blessed as she felt in her life.

Most of them were microscopic, undetectable to the average person, but those small instances were what made Emily's life worth living. The even sound of her lover's breathing as her head rested against Emily's shoulder in the early morning light. The simple whisper of breath that caused Emily to shiver with pleasure when JJ wrapped her arms around her from behind. The overwhelming feeling of kindness, love, and belonging, she got whenever her wife locked her endless baby blues with Emily's mocha browns.

Her mind did not contain compartments large enough to hold those moments. No, her heart held the key to those.

Emily smiled at the moments her heart was privileged to hold, and every day as she sat in the same chair, by the same bed, in the same room, holding the same small hand in her own, those were the moments she clung to for sanity.

Because if Emily Prentiss allowed herself to be consumed by the one regret in her life that had tipped the scale in one fateful second, there would be nothing left of the girl whose life once only could be described as 'blessed.'

The familiar knock on the door made Emily to stand and place a tender kiss on the pale forehead of the figure lying in the bed before walking out of the room filled with monotonous beeping.

"How is she today, Peaches?" Emily couldn't remember when her friend's once bubbly voice had been reduced to one of concern and sadness.

"The same."

The two line conversation had become one of routine. Both knew their part, it was useless to stray from it.

Emily heard the door she had just exited shut quietly as she made her way to the large kitchen downstairs. The brunette had long since stopped arguing with Garcia over getting her to eat. Emily knew the tech analyst would make good on her threats of calling in the big guns if she needed to.

So now as part of the routine of what had become Emily's life, she sat down at the empty dining room table and opened the storage container labeled 'Tuesday' in Garcia's faded curly handwriting.

Exactly twenty minutes later, enough time for Garcia to believe she had truly nourished herself, Emily discarded her half eaten Caesar salad and made her way back upstairs to the master bedroom.

She stood in the double shower and let the scalding water burn away another day, another day that was supposed to have been so different.

Returning to the room she had left only an hour ago, Emily stopped before making her presence known. She listened to her friend talk softly to the small figure in the bed.

"You know one day you are going to have to quit all this," Emily could tell Garcia was trying to be funny but the crack in her voice gave her away.

Wiping viscously at a tear that paraded down her cheek, Penelope continued on never noticing Emily's form in the doorway.

"You have had your nap, and now it's time to wake up," the scripted words were mixed heavily with tears.

"She needs you Cupcake," Garcia gently brushed a blonde strand to the side of her best friend's face, "the team needs you… I need you," the last confession came as a whisper.

Garcia stood slowly, placed a kiss on the hand she had been folding for the last hour, and turned to leave unsurprised to find Emily in the doorway.

They both stepped out of the dim room, to get on with what was customary in their exchange.

Not meeting Penelope's eyes, Emily told her friend thank you for coming over and for lunch.

Garcia was about to announce her usual "sure thing, Sugar, I will be by same time tomorrow," but something stopped her.

Instead she reached for Emily's hand. "You know Em one day you are going to have to quit all of this too."

Emily flinched back at her friend's unexpected words.

Garcia pressed anyway, "one day you are going to have to let her go. One day you are going to have to stop blaming yourself."

Emily felt the air being squeezed from her lungs, at Pen's proclamation. This was the battle she fought every day…the battle of regret. But knowing there was nothing to stop it now, she let the memory overtake her.

_Flashback…_

"_Move in" came Hotch's call through the com link_

_Emily moved aside as Morgan thrust his shoulder against the house's back door sending it splintering inward._

_Racing past him, Emily ran through the empty kitchen to the living room. She didn't acknowledge Hotch, Rossi, and Reid as they set up positions opposite her. _

_Her attention remained focused solely on the man in the center of the room, the man who held her wife with his forearm across her throat and a 9mm pressed against her temple. _

_She took a step forward, gun trained at the center of the Unsub's forehead. Emily's eyes met JJ's for a second as her wife's blue eyes swirled with a mix of fear and relief._

"_Mr. Williams let Agent Jareau go," Hotch commanded from his position._

_Williams gave a short laugh as he traced the gun down the side of JJ's cheek. _

_Emily reactively took another step forward. _

"_ah ah ah. Agent Prentiss, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Williams tightened his finger around the trigger._

"_Ok, Ok," Emily said retracing her step._

"_That's a good Agent," he chuckled again, "Lets play a game shall we?" His amusement with the situation was clearly ebbed on his face._

"_No games Williams," Emily shot back, "let her go."_

_He sent her a look of mock hurt, "but Agent Prentiss I think you will like this game."_

_Emily wasn't about to bite at his taunts._

"_Ok, well I will tell you the rules and we can play anyway," his eyes remained on Emily, "Agent Prentiss I am going to let you shoot me, right now, take the shot and your precious Jennifer walks away unharmed."_

_No one moved._

_If it was possible, Williams' smile got larger. "What's wrong Agent Prentiss? Aren't afraid to hit someone else are we?" He pulled JJ closer against him._

"_Em," Emily's eyes locked on JJ's, "It's ok baby," she told her softly as a tear fell down her cheek._

_Emily's finger tightened on her trigger. She looked back to Williams, her mind rampant with calculations on how to hit Williams without hurting JJ._

_Before she came up with an answer, Williams moved to swing the gun away from JJ's head and as if in slow motion she was now staring down the end of a barrel. _

"_Time's up." was all Emily heard before the deafening crack of a gunshot._

_She waited for the pain, but it never came. Instead she watched as JJ pulled free of William's grasp and swung herself in front of the 9mm._

_The gunshot echoed for what seemed like an eternity before six more rang out._

_Both Williams and JJ stood frozen in the center of the room facing each other. Again a smile spread across Williams face before he crumpled in a heap on the hardwood floor. _

_No one could move as JJ continued to stand with her back to them. Slowly, they watched as a red stain began to spread across the back of her white shirt. _

_Emily lunged to catch her before she hit the floor. Cradling her wife while trying to put pressure on the gushing chest wound, Emily felt her world shattering around her. _

"_I..I love..you" JJ choked out as blood trickled from the corner of her mouth._

"_I love you, baby. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Emily pulled JJ to her and began to rock back and forth not noticing JJ's eyes had drifted shut._

Feeling a light touch brush her arm, Emily was pulled back to the present.

Penelope stared silently.

"See you tomorrow Pen," Emily finished softly completing their ritual for the day.

The tech analyst nodded sadly before turning to leave as Emily re-entered JJ's room.

Garcia made her way down the stairs, grabbed the food container from the island, but paused before opening the front door. She looked out over the house.

She figured any person off the street could walk in and realize the people that lived there were truly blessed. Not blessed because of the nice furniture or expensive art that adorned the house, but blessed because of the feeling of life the walls exuded. She had always thought it was the numerous photos that jumped off their page of a happy memory, or the way the smell of fresh baked brownies lingered in the kitchen, or maybe just the general welcome the house seemed to emit.

But as Penelope took one last look, she knew truthfully that house had ceased to exist 8 months ago.

Because 244 days ago regret had heavily tipped the scales.

A/N: ok so I know you are probably thinking I am really mean to JJ in all my stories. I don't know why but I feel like the best emotions to write about come from trying times. Anyways, let me know what you think: good, bad, or ugly.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: So after writing "Blessed Regret" last night, I knew it couldn't end there, and now after writing this part, I know it can't end here either. I guess that means my once one-shot is turning out to be a three-shot… hope you don't mind : ).

A/N2: This part is a bit shorter but most of the backgroung is covered in the first chapter so definetely refer to that if you get lost.

Regretful Blessings

It's simple really. All the moments of your life can be summed into two categories: the ones you regret and the ones that made you question how you got to be so blessed.

For Jennifer Jareau those moments of regret in her life had always outweighed her blessed ones.

The time she stole her brother's video game and ran it under the sink before placing it carefully in the back of the freezer, he didn't talk to her for a week. The time her father caught her stealing a candy bar from the local grocery store, the look of disappointment in his eyes tore holes through her. Or when she had to place the photograph of another young girl about her age on the power point slide labeled 'victims', the file had been on her desk for weeks before the girl was found murdered.

All of those regrets in Jennifer Jareau's life had made her to question her judgment, every ounce of herself even.

That is until she got her first glimpse of the flawless brunette striding after her boss in the direction of the conference room, adamantly stating the BAU was where she was suppose to be.

Yes, the first time she saw Emily Prentiss in her perfectly fitted slacks and pristinely tailored jacket that hugged the curve of her body as if both were cut from the same materiel, JJ thought maybe, just maybe, her judgment wasn't completely screwed up.

Like all the other relationships between objects in the natural world: good and evil, ying and yan, you cannot have one without at least a small part of the other.

For JJ those tiny parts were her blessings. The moment she saw a nervous Emily drop to her knee while pulling out a breathtaking ring from her pocket to ask those four amazing words, the way Emily's hair felt against her shoulder on a long plane ride home, the feeling that a simple glance from her wife's chocolate eyes sent her weak at the knees every time.

It was those moments that made JJ to forget her uneven scale of life.

Because as long as she was able to hold onto her tiny blessings, the numerous burdens of regret could wait.

Feeling the release of warmth from her hand, JJ knew what came next. She fought, just as she did every time she felt Emily's hand slip from hers, to open her eyes and scream for her not to leave, but just like every time before… she lost that battle.

Time is a funny thing when you have only your limited senses of touch and hearing to rely on. It's not like someone is willing to sit beside you and meticulously count out every tick of the clock. JJ was actually most grateful no one did that, however, she figured a nice time hack every now and then would be nice.

But forced to rely on her ears and the simple touch of a hand in hers, JJ quickly mastered the routine of her life.

She measured morning by the casual break in Emily's tired voice, as her wife paused to take sips of her black coffee before continuing to talk to JJ about anything and everything. Morning was broken into mid-day with the light whisper of lips on her forehead and the release of Emily's hand which was quickly replaced by another hand she was so fond of. And for a predictable amount of time, she would listen as her best friend jabbered on about her deep desire to sexually attack a certain dark co-worker. Those talks with Garcia made her smile, well inwardly she thought at least. It was what her friend asked of her at the end of their conversation that broke JJ's heart. She wanted more than anything than to tell Pen she was right there, right there in front of her, and she needed them all too. But again that was a fight she lost every day.

The parts of time JJ feared the most were the moments that felt like hours when she was left alone with only the beeping of machines and imposing swish from the tube that filled her lungs with air. The bright walls of her conscious seemed to close tighter around her and the regrets of her life threatened to swallow her whole…

But as always, just as she was about to slip away completely into the blinding white light, her heroine swooped down to save her, whisking her safely back to the land of the living. She had always marveled at how the simple touch of Emily's hand, could save her over and over again.

It was that instant of everyday JJ looked forward to, because as is customary with routine, it always comes.

And for JJ it was a reminder of the one great blessing of her life.

_Flashback…_

_JJ heard the door at the back of the house being broken down. _

_She felt the arm around her throat tighten as her friends set up positions just inside the living room to her left. _

_Then she saw her, and it was like the first time she had seen her in the bullpen all over again._

_Emily's presence meant it would all be ok._

_She held in a gasp as the barrel of the 9mm that had been pressed to her temple slowly caressed the side of her face._

_She heard the amused laugh of the bastard that held her captive as he toyed with the torment of her wife and team. _

_She pulled Emily's eyes to hers. _

_JJ fought to assure __her everything would be alright, as a single tear slid down her cheek. _

_JJ would kill the bastard for putting her wife through this hell. _

_That's when she saw it just out of the corner of her eye. _

_She didn't have time to think, she didn't need to._

_She took her moment of opportunity to pull from Williams' grasp, turning abruptly to face him. _

_Her only felling was of hot metal against her chest. _

_Her ears only registered a sharp crack in the deafening silence, but her heart filled with relief as she felt familiar arms wrap around her suddenly falling body. _

_It was like drifting off to sleep after making sure Emily knew how much she loved her. The gently sway of Emily's rocking lulling her further and further away._

_She was content to let the darkness overtake her knowing her scale of life had taken a dramatic tip in the favor of blessings…_

_Emily was safe and there was nothing JJ would ever regret about that. _

A/N: I hope this chapter lightened the story a little for everyone. Write me and let me know your thoughts on JJ's POV through it all.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: ok so i lied. this one-shot is actually going to be a four-shot. Ah hell i guess its just a story with four chapters. Anyways i know i have said this all before but four chapters really is the end, i wrote it already. So look for one more after this.

Balancing the Scales

It's simple really. The two kinds of moments in your life: the ones you regret and the ones you feel blessed to have are forever on a scale of balance, each fighting to outweigh the other.

For most, the scale remains a teetering see-saw never truly settling completely in favor of one.

There are the lucky few whose side of blessings overtakes their side of regrets unmistakably. But, of course there are those whose side of regret is just too mountainous to let their blessings of life shine through.

No one ever seem to give a thought to what could happen when those scales balance…

"Nothing's changed Emily," Dr. Nelson placed a consoling hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry"

He was always sorry, Emily thought, and yet it didn't change anything.

No, every Monday morning she prayed her conversation with JJ's doctor would be different, and every Monday morning it was the same:

No change…

Vitals stable…

Brain activity steady…

Respirations decreased…

Nonresponsive…

The last one was always the worst.

After eight months, Emily figured Dr. Nelson questioned her sanity, everyone else did, but every week he surprised her by telling her never to give up hope.

She didn't have to tell him she never planned on doing that…ever.

For as long as it took, she would continue the routine her life had become.

Time was not an issue, not as long as the love of her life was fighting to get back to her, and she had no doubt that battle would one day be won.

Until that time came, Emily would do whatever it took to make sure JJ knew she wasn't fighting alone.

It didn't matter how many embarrassing stories of her childhood she had to tell, or how many times she felt the anger rise in her chest when her friends begged her to move on, or even worst of all, the number of nights she lay awake, alone, as the memory of her deepest regret replayed over and over in her mind.

She would get through those moments.

The one she knew she would never come close to, however, was the one where she would give up on the beautiful, intelligent women that held her heart.

Monday was a day Emily had both come to love and to hate.

Dr. Nelson's encouragement was always something Emily needed to hear, even if it didn't change the situation, but Monday also meant her team would all be there again for their weekly invite-themselves-over-for-dinner session.

When it first happened all those months ago, the occasion had been something Emily had look forward to. She had actually enjoyed listening to Reid, Hotch, Morgan, Garcia, and even Rossi relive their favorite moments of her wife. Emily had even thrown her own in from time to time.

Those occasion had soon faded though as time took its toll on the circumstance.

Her friends looked at time as the enemy, as another day for their hope of JJ coming back to them grew smaller and smaller.

But Emily had never seen it that way. To her it was one day closer until she got to see those baby blues she loved so much.

They had never understood her reasoning, and Emily knew that night she would be forced to defend it all over again.

On some level, she understood their logic, their pain of having to not only watch one person they cared for so deeply waste away in front of them, but two.

She also knew that on some level they understood hers.

Like everything else, it didn't change anything…

They would still come and Emily would still let them.

The sound of the doorbell startled Emily from her story, and she begrudgingly made her way from her wife's side down the stairs, cursing whichever member of her team for deciding to show up early.

However, when she opened the door she was surprised at who stood on the other side.

"Mother?" it was a question not a statement.

Ambassador Prentiss looked at her daughter with hesitation, before Emily moved aside to let her in.

Emily began to think Monday was in fact a terrible day.

After the shooting, the Ambassador had almost become the mother Emily had wished she'd had growing up… almost.

It was Elizabeth who had arranged for JJ's top of the line care and medical treatment, even though Emily's trust fund was more than adequate to cover it all, but her mother wouldn't take no for an answer.

Emily had always thought it was her mother's way of making up for some of her mistakes from the past, some of her own regrets, but Emily soon realized it was much more than that.

Elizabeth Prentiss may have been absent a lot in her daughter's life, but she wasn't oblivious. She had seen the way her daughter's eyes lit up whenever the young blonde walked into a room. JJ made Emily happier than she ever could.

In truth, Elizabeth owed Jennifer for the new found relationship with her daughter. The Ambassador knew JJ's parents had cut her off completely after discovering their daughter's sexual preference, and that JJ was not about to let Emily let go of a parent who wanted to be a part of her life gay or not.

In Elizabeth's eyes making sure JJ was taken care of was the smallest way the Ambassador could think to repay all her daughter-in-law had done for her.

But to say things had been almost awkward between mother and daughter since the day 8 months ago would be generous. It was if JJ had not only been an emotional bridge between the two but a physical one as well.

The Ambassador had stopped in from time to time to make sure everything was running as smoothly as possible for her daughter and to sit with JJ for awhile.

As was with everything else, however, time had played a hand in how far between those visit became. Soon they were reduced to nothing more than phone calls at weekly intervals. Not many things fazed the great Ambassador Prentiss, but watching her daughter's once 'blessed' life become motivated by regret, was too much for her to watch.

"Mother what are doing here," Emily stammered awkwardly.

The Ambassador didn't answer right away, filling the room with uncomfortable silence.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," It wasn't a complete lie, just one of partial omission. She needed to be sure her daughter wanted to hear what she had to say.

"The same," Emly told her sharply. The answer seemed to work for a lot of things in Emily's life those days.

Uncomfortable silence again.

"Emily"

"Mother"

They cut off each other's attempts.

Emily nodded for her mother to continue.

"How is she?" Emily only heard her mother's voice become that soft when she referred to JJ.

"The same," Emily wasn't trying to be an ass, but she wasn't in the mood for niceties, and the two word answer fit.

"What did Dr. Nelson say," The Ambassador was not easily deterred. She was a politician after all.

"Mother what really brings you here?" Emily asked tiredly placing her hands on her hips and lowering her head.

"I found someone that is willing to do it Emily," Elizabeth stepped closer as her daughter's eyes shot up.

"What?" Emily asked breathlessly.

"A doctor in Germany, she said she would do it," The Ambassador had both hands on her Emily's shoulders searching for recognition of what she had just explained.

Emily took a step back, releasing from her mother's grip.

This wasn't possible, she thought. They had closed the chapter on that option long ago, seven months ago in fact. No doctor had been willing to perform the procedure, and even if they had been willing everyone had agreed it was too risky. It hadn't been worth losing her forever.

But now, now time had made it all different, and for once it was a good different.

Emily felt the tears well in her eyes as she looked at her mother, "When can she do it?"

It was that simply really, the scales of Emily Prentiss' life had suddenly sought balance, and she would hold on like hell to keep them that way.

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Emily wasn't nervous as she sat in the chair later that night, half listening to the conversation going on around her. She looked at her team. It was strange how she saw them now, so different than the people she remembered having met her first day at the BAU.

It probably wasn't noticeable to anyone outside of their 'family' of friends, Emily didn't really even know if she had noticed it at their last Monday dinner, but the changes were there, subtle but there.

How Reid had stopped unmindfully spouting out every ounce of medical knowledge he knew, or the amount of grey hair that seemed to have mysteriously appeared atop Rossi's once dark head, how Morgan's cell phone didn't beep every five seconds indication one of his "honeys" wanted a booty call, the dark purple underneath Hotch's eyes that told Emily she wasn't the only one sleep eluded, or how Garcia's sadness seemed to manifest itself in her once vibrant wardrobe.

Again the passage of time had reared its ugly head, taking pieces of them all with it.

Waiting patiently for a pause in the conversation, Emily spoke up.

Five heads snapped her direction; she had long since stopped participating in their weekly talks.

"I have something to tell you all," she knew what their hopeful glances wanted her to say, but she would disappoint them.

"I'm taking JJ to Germany."

The team quickly sent looks at each other, as Garcia's mouth sat gaping open.

Morgan could only shake his head.

"We have been over this Emily!" his voice contained a twinge of anger.

"It's not a group decision anymore," Emily stated firmly, "It's my decision."

"Peaches, where is this coming from," Garcia's tone was frightened.

"My mother found a doctor in Germany and she is willing to do the surgery," Emily was standing now.

"That doesn't change anything," Derek bellowed banging his fist on the table.

"You're right Derek, NOTHING has changed," Emily shot daggers from her eyes, "My wife, YOUR friend hasn't changed in eight months, eight goddamn months! But taking a chance that could save her isn't what you want is it Derek, IS IT?!" Her anger grew with each word. "No, you want me to give up on her, act like it's no big deal to flip the switch that ends her life, ends MY life!"

She drew in a ragged breath as tears of rage seeped down her face.

"I won't give up on her, not now, not ever, and if this surgery means she gets the chance to come back to me, then I am taking it, and you won't stop me!"

"CHANCE!" Morgan stepped around the table to face her directly, "CHANCE, what are the CHANCES Em, hmm, did they magically change somehow?" What is it 18% now or maybe 20% even."

Emily was not about to justify his rant with an answer.

Her silence only made him angrier. "Jesus Emily, you are grasping at straws and you know it! You haven't even thought about this!"

She lowered her head to her chest as the other occupants sat stunned into silence.

"What is there to think about Derek?" Her words barely above a whisper.

Derek shook his head at her, "I don't know Em. What JJ would want maybe?"

"What JJ would want?" she gave a humorless laugh, "Well, I'm sure JJ wouldn't WANT any of this," she said waving her arms around wildly.

"You're right, Sugar," Penelope silenced Derek with a glare before taking Emily's hands, "She wouldn't"

"But," Garcia brushed a strand of hair behind Emily's ear, "She wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. She made her sacrifice for you Em, for you. We need to honor that."

"By giving up on her Pen?"

"No, Sugar, by letting her go, by honoring her decision."

"I can't" Emily whispered before turning to face the rest of her friends.

She met each of their gaze before her eyes rested on Derek.

"We are going to Germany the day after tomorrow." And with that she walked from the room

There was nothing left to say.

A/N: I am typing up the ending tonight so look for it tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! they have been awesome! let me know how you feel about this chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So I couldn't login over the weekend... anyone else have that problem. Oh well so here is the ending of my little story. I am not sure it turned out exactly as I had envisioned but do they ever.

_There's no disaster that can't become a blessing, and no blessing that can't become a disaster_

_~Richard Bach_

Emily stared out the window of the air ambulance feeling as if it was the first time she could really breathe in over a month.

The past month had been like a whirlwind, countless doctors, tests, papers, and emotions. It had almost been too much, and Emily knew that without three people she never would have been close to making it through.

Dr. Anya Goering had been confident from the beginning, assuring Emily that JJ was in the best hands, and more importantly she reaffirmed that Emily's decisions had been the right one.

Then there had been her mother. Emily glanced over to the women on the other side of the plane conversing heatedly with someone unlucky person who was in charge of their transportation when the plane landed. The Ambassador had been there through every breakdown, through every doubt, through every sickening test Emily had to watch JJ endure. Her mother had been her rock.

And then of course there was Jennifer. Her heart swelled with pride for the fighter her wife was. JJ had made it through the rough parts, coming through the delicate surgery and the touch and go days of recovery. It didn't surprise Emily of the fighter her wife truly was, but it didn't make her any less proud.

Now came the easy part, Emily thought, the waiting. Dr. Goering had told them the timeline was uncertain, but it was of little consequence to the brunette who would gladly wait until the end of time to be with her wife again.

Settling JJ back into their house, into the same room they had left only a month before, Emily assured her mother she would call the second something changed and ushered the protective women towards the door.

Elizabeth gave her daughter's hand a gentle squeeze before she told Emily she would be by the next day.

A week after being home, Emily threw her glass in the sink before going to see who it was knocking on her door at such a late hour.

Throwing the door open, it seemed Derek was as surprised to see her as she was to see him.

"I, I didn't think you would answer," Derek stammered not looking directly at her, "I.. I should go," he finished turning quickly to leave.

"Derek," Emily didn't know why she called him back, but she did.

He turned back halfway down the walkway not looking up at her.

They stood in silence for a while.

"Do you want a drink?" Emily shrugged her shoulders.

He gave a slight nod in reply before following her into the house.

Emily reached to the back of the liquor cabinet. It was where she kept the good stuff JJ didn't even know about. Finding what she was looking for, Emily set the bottle of single malt scotch on the table with two glasses.

Derek's eyes lit in surprise, "Jeeze girl when you mean a drink, you mean a drink." After all it was a $500 bottle of Scotch.

Emily laughed almost having forgotten how good it felt.

The two took a long swig allowing the smooth liquid to ease the tension between them.

Setting down his glass, Derek mindlessly ran a finger along the rim, "Em, I'm…"

She stopped him, "You had your reasons Derek, and I had mine."

Derek knew that was all that needed to be said about the confrontation a month ago. Emily was right, they both had had their reasons but none of that really mattered now.

He gave her a knowing nod, "How's she doing?"

"Her doctor in Germany said everything went perfectly, her recovery was shaky for a bit, but she stabilized so we could come back home." Emily took another swig from her glass, "Now all we have to do is wait."

He nodded again wanting to ask the other question on his mind.

Emily answered before he could, "We don't know how long it could take."

Silence played between them.

"Can I see her?" he asked almost child-like unsure if he really deserved to.

"Of course," Emily relieved his fears instantly.

He sent her an appreciatvie smile before making his way upstairs.

Morgan opened the door slowly, gathering himself before stepping to his friend's side.

"Hey Jayj," he took her small hand in his much larger one. He had never been good at this part, "I hear Germany went really well."

He let out a heavy sigh, "Um, I owe you an apology, baby sister. I shouldn't have doubted you. I just..I just didn't know what to do." He didn't try to stop the tear that escaped his eye.

Saying what he needed to say, Derek leaned back in the armchair, content in simply holding his friend's hand.

Sometime later, Derek felt a soft touch on his shoulder gently nudging him from his sleep.

"I didn't want to wake you but I didn't know if there was somewhere you needed to be," Emily said holding a mug of coffee out to him.

The light creeping in from the window told him it was early morning.

Shaking the cobwebs, "I'm where I need to be," he assured her softly.

Emily was about to give him an understanding smile, when she caught movement from the corner of her eye.

Moving quickly to JJ's side, she felt Derek stand beside her.

"What, What is it?" he asked panicked.

"I thought I saw her finger move," she told him not tearing her gaze from JJ's right hand.

Nothing happened.

"It's early Em, maybe it was just," his words were caught in his throat as JJ's index finger moved again.

Emily gasped as she grabbed JJ's hand.

"Derek call Dr. Nelson, his number, its by the phone in the kitchen," Emily instructed excited.

She heard his heavy feet pound down the hall.

Emily stroked the back of JJ's knuckles, "Baby can you hear me?"

She let out a gasp again as JJ's hand tightened around hers.

Derek ran back into the room, "He's coming," he told her winded.

"She squeezed my hand!" Emily said hugging him.

"I called Garcia, she is calling the rest of the team and your mother," Derek said holding his friend tight.

Several long minutes later as JJ continue to squeeze Emily's hand, Dr. Nelson walked into the room. He gave Emily a smile before asking her to step out so he could examine JJ. Emily was about to protest, but Derek put an arm around her shoulders and ushered her towards the door.

Once outside, Emily allowed herself to collapse in his strong arms, "She's coming back to us Derek."

"Like you ever doubted Em," he told her sarcastically receiving a light smack on the arm in reply.

Their moment was broken abruptly by five anxious voices calling from downstairs.

Wiping a tear from her face, Derek followed Emily to the living room where they found the rest of their team and the Ambassador in varying levels of panic.

Garcia immediately pounced seeing them descend down the stairs, "What is it Peaches?! What's happening?!" she demanded frantically.

Emily sent Derek a wry smile, figuring he hadn't explained much on the phone.

She looked to each person standing in her living room, Hotch, Rossi, Reid, Elizabeth, and finally she took Garcia's trembling hand.

"She squeezed my hand Pen,"

Penelope fought to wrap her brain around Emily's words. _Had she heard that right? JJ squeezed her hand?_

And then it hit her, and she threw herself at the brunette squeezing for all she was worth.

Garcia didn't release her bear hug until she heard Dr. Nelson clear his throat.

Everyone turned to him as Emily stepped forward.

"She's responsive Emily, not 100% yet, but I think in a few hours she might be rejoining us."

And for the first time in nine months, the tears that ran down Emily's face were not of sadness but of pure elation.

She knew JJ would find her way back.

Emily took in the expressions that mirrored her own happiness as the Ambassador placed a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Go, we will be here."

Practically running back into the dim room, Emily couldn't help but hope it would be the last time she ever had to do it again.

She sat down in her armchair and took her wife's hand.

"I'm right here, baby, right here waiting for you,"

The gentle squeeze of her hand was the only answer she needed, as Emily settled back into her chair to wait.

Nearly 6 hours and several inquiring visits from her mother and friends later, Emily leaped up as she saw JJ's eyes begin to flutter.

Nine months, after nine months and those bottomless blue eyes were more gorgeous than she ever could have remembered, Emily thought leaning in to place a soft kiss on JJ's forehead.

"Hi" Emily whispered breathlessly.

The emotions of nine months poured out as Emily felt her wife's soft touch caress her face.

Emily gently crawled into the bed next to JJ, wrapping her arms around her wife's waist as the world around them faded in the eyes of one another.

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One Month Later

Emily walked Rossi and Hotch to the door and waved as her bosses drove off before returning to the back yard of the brick home.

Boxes still littered just about every square inch of the house since they had only moved in a couple of days before.

The move had been a welcomed change. The house Emily and JJ had shared in the city had never been the same after everything that had happened, for either of them. This new house in the Virginia countryside had been something they both needed.

Emily smiled as she watched Morgan and Garcia quibble over something as JJ laughed from where she sat snuggled in her blanket.

_God I missed that laugh_, Emily though to herself for about the thousandth time in the last four weeks.

She was pulled from her thoughts as she felt penetrating blue eyes on her. Blushing slightly she looked up to see JJ grinning her direction.

Moving down to join the trio, Emily noticed JJ trying to stifle a yawn.

"Maybe we should get you,"

The brunette was silenced by JJ's finger on her lips.

"I'm fine, Em" JJ leaned over to replace her finger with her lips.

Emily knew JJ was far from fine. The months in a coma had left her muscles severely atrophied and barely able to walk more than a few feet at a time even with the intense physical therapy JJ endured every day. Emily also knew that trying to convince JJ to go inside when she was enjoying herself at their house warming BBQ was useless.

So instead she simply pulled her wife's light frame onto her lap and began to softly message JJ's thigh.

"So like I was saying Cupcake," Garcia picked up never missing a beat, "When do I get to hear the pidder padder of little feet running around this lovely abode?"

Emily could only shake her head in amusement, "Garcia, we just moved in and I don't think JJ is ready to chase your future niece or nephew around just yet."

"Ok Ok" Garcia threw up her hands in mock surrender, "I am just saying that I…"

"that you call dibs on godmother," JJ's soft voice finished for her.

Garcia raised an eyebrow at her best friend, "how, how did you know what I was going to say Princess."

JJ just shrugged innocently.

"You heard us didn't you baby girl?" Derek asked with a huge grin.

"Maybe.." JJ matched his grin

"You, you heard me?" Emily faltered on the words. They hardly ever brought up the shooting or the nine months afterwards.

"Of course I did Em. I always heard you." JJ kissed the tear that fell down Emily's cheek.

"Well I would say that's our que," Garcia said pulling Derek with her towards the door.

JJ and Emily giggled through their kiss.

"Thanks for coming guys," JJ called after the retreating pair, "Oh and Derek don't worry, your secret about…. Oh what was her name,"

"Ah JJ," he shouted blushing heavily.

JJ gave him a wink, "Don't worry it's safe with me."

JJ and Emily laughed as they watched Derek and Garcia disappear through the door, Garcia emphatically questioning a still red faced Derek.

JJ let her head rest against Emily's shoulder.

"You gonna tell me what that was about," Emily asked raising an eyebrow at her wife.

"Oh I think you will figure it out soon enough, sweetheart. Those two were made for each other." JJ assured her, hoping Derek would hurry up and gather his courage to ask Penelope out.

They grew quiet before Emily turned JJ in her lap so the blonde was facing her.

"You really heard me?"

JJ brushed a hand down Emily's cheek.

"Yes, baby, it's how I found my way back to you"

Emily placed her forehead against JJ's.

"God, I love you so much Jennifer,"

"I know Em, I love you too."

In that moment, Emily began to see it all so clearly. The battles of regret in her life would always rage a strong fight, but sitting in the retreating light of the sunset with the love of her life wrapped safely in her arms, she realized that those battles could always be overcome with the amazing blessings she had been given... Always.

A/N: There you have it. Thanks for sticking with me. Now that my ADD story is at an end, I will move back to my original stories I promise.


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